Some months ago, I was gently criticized when I wondered out loud
whether we sincerely believe in sex positivity.
I suppose it isn’t required. Many
people who call sexuality a blessing still treat it very ambiguously. Whether due to trauma or general discomfort,
many people feel anxious about sexuality.
Which is okay if you have no interest in sexual relations. But most of us are interested in
relationships that include physical affection and sexuality.
I’ve always maintained, you can’t create a poly relationship if you
can’t create a relationship to begin with; and creating a relationship means
being able to communicate with another person about sensitive personal issues
such as how you feel about physical closeness, sexuality, trust, exclusiveness
or openness, and so on.
“Different people are different.” A friend of mine chided me for this
(trite?) saying. But it’s true. So when you begin to build a relationship
with one or more people, you can’t assume they feel the way you do about closeness,
intimacy, sexuality, openness, and so on.
You have to dare to find out how they actually feel. You have to dare to tell them how you
feel. You have to start with that. Then you can build a strong
relationship—whether with one person or with several. You must confront your unease, your fear, and
share your tastes, your wants, your needs, your fears.
It is easy to balk. But there is
so much to gain!
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