“Awareness and Sex-Positivity” (South Bay Polys #274 - November 2018)

An awareness came to me a few days ago, relating to what I had been considering the conflict of sorts between consent and sex-positivity.  But of course (?) I’d been thinking of it wrong.

           

I’d been thinking, more or less:  “If sex is a positive thing, how can someone be offended by the suggestion of it?”

Conceding that people can be hurt by sexual forwardness, even though sexuality itself may be positive.

But—sexual trauma produces pain, fear, anxiety, and so on.  When we meet someone, we have no idea what kind of trauma they may have experienced (or not experienced).

So we need to be gentle with them, kind with them.  If there is any sexual interest at all, of course, we may eventually want to express that interest.  I suspect that no matter how gently we broach the subject, it may cause further trauma.  We must keep this in mind.

If we are interested in someone, and want to pursue a relationship, somehow we must broach the subject.  But if the other person is put off or uninterested, we must accept and respect that.

That, even though we believe that sexuality is something positive.  Sexuality can also be something difficult for some people.  We have to respect that—and allow them their safe space.