Here I am, a month after what I called “Affection Day,” preparing to
celebrate the completion of another orbit around the sun. And thinking of other people involved in
polyamory, or interested in it, and wondering whether I should be phrasing any
of this in this way.
“I’ve tried polyamory,” they tell me, “but I had negative experiences.”
For a long time it’s seemed to me that, in my case at least, polyamory
isn’t something that I try—it’s a way that I am. I don’t think I ever decided to adopt
polyamory as a “lifestyle” or a philosophy.
I read recently that what makes someone a writer is the fact that they have
to write. Regardless of whether they
write for a living or for a hobby, or of whether anyone ever reads their
stuff—something compels them to write.
Like someone who always is making drawings or sketches. They couldn’t stop if they wanted to; or if
they did stop, life wouldn’t feel worth it somehow.
I know that, for some people, polyamory is a philosophy that
they chose to adopt. They feel
it’s more egalitarian or more ecological or whatever. I understand that.
So…If you are drawn to poly for philosophical (or political) reasons,
see what you can do with it. See if it
works for you. If it does, keep it. If it doesn’t—give it up!
But if you are somehow poly in your soul, poly in your nature…look for
other poly people to be poly with. Or,
if you are already with someone you care about, who is naturally inclined to
monogamy….see if the two of you can accommodate each other. Some monogamous people can accommodate a poly
partner. Maybe yours can.
In any case, know yourself and your needs—and those of your partner(s).
I hope you find what you need!
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