Thursday, October 10, 2019

“Make the Sex Positive!” (South Bay Polys #258 - June 2017)


I'm still, after these many years, still struck by two related situations relating to being poly.

1.  The range of attitudes concerning the role of sex in our poly lives.  While for some people (me?) polyamory is something very close to monogamy--except with more people!--for other people it is much more about sexuality in general -- maybe more about how "sex-positive" we are?

But what is "sex-positive?"  Does it just mean viewing sex as a good thing?  But coerced sex is not a good thing--we have to take that into account.  Sex can be used in malicious ways.  While you can blame that on the people rather than the sex....that still must be taken into account when saying "sex-positive!"

2.  For myself--sex is never a "thing in itself" for me.  People talk about "why can't we have sex with no strings attached?"  I don't want to have sex with "no strings attached!"  I want sex that involves an emotional connection.  That in itself means there is some sort of attachment.  Connection = Attachment!  I may not want to live in your presence night and day, forever and ever--but I want to feel an attachment, a connection of some kind, even if it is only in my memory!  Even if we live mostly apart, I want that sex to have meant something, somehow!

That is simply how I am--but it is up to us to make sex "positive"--because it can be a negative if treated unwisely!

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