Thinking (again) about sex positivity.
It isn’t simply a matter of sex.
Sex is not simply a matter of sex—at least not for me, not usually.
Sometimes I think back to when I was still a virgin and only had myself
as a playmate. It is true that, back when
I was eleven or twelve, I spent some time feeling guilty about my sexuality,
like I really shouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I suspect that was somehow due to my
Christian upbringing. Now I think, how
could that enjoyment have been wrong?
Later, when I became sexual with other people, I sometimes felt
conflicted. I wondered whether I ought
to be enjoying what we were doing together.
I wondered whether the other person was really enjoying what we were
doing, and even whether I was.
Now people emphasize consent, how important it is. It is important—essential. No one should be forced into sexual
situations. Still, I wonder how
conflicted people still are about their own sexuality. I suspect we have not achieved true sex
positivity yet—will we ever? And I
wonder what true sex positivity would look like. Until then, we must try to be very aware of
our own sexual feelings, and those of others—and aspire to be very considerate
and very careful. And more than ever if
we are polyamorous. If we truly care
about the people we become involved with, we have to be!
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