After posting last month’s newsletter I got a very
nice response from an old friend who suggested that I was overthinking worries
about being fair to love-interests and over-doubting the “sex-positivity” of encounters.
We’re all adults, after all, and responsible for our own relationships.
At our January meeting, someone suggested I wasn’t
overthinking at all. Their own opinion
(since we’re all adults after all!)
I suspect my true anxieties related more to
something else: My need to know myself
well enough to understand what truly satisfies me in a sexual encounter (which
includes my own expectations about my partner(s)) and what truly fulfills me in
an ongoing relationship with another person or persons.
Being poly, especially when it’s new for you, can feel
like a kid in a candy shop. All this
wonderful candy! How can you
choose? Why not just enjoy?!?!
But eventually you realize you won’t enjoy simply
stuffing yourself with chocolate; you’ll get a tummy ache.
The same with polyamory. You won’t really enjoy becoming sexual with
every person you’re attracted to, as soon as you meet them. And it is impractical to try to form
relationships with every person you are drawn to. But there are possibilities for
enjoyment and fulfillment, if you remain aware of your own needs and tastes,
and those of your partner(s).
Understand this, and I hope you will find the
people who fulfill you!
Happy Valentine’s Day/Month!
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