I thought I would reprise this topic once
more. Of course, some people don’t
quibble about definitions. I remember
many years ago, in the early days of South Bay Poly, posting something on an
online Bulletin Board and getting the response:
“Why don’t you just admit that what you really want is lots of sex?”
I replied, of course, that I wasn’t after “lots of
sex.” I was interested in loving, caring,
supportive relationships. I doubt the other person believed me.
How could he, not knowing me, tell if I wanted love
or sex? Wanting sex was always the
cliché, especially for men. If I have
lots of friends and become involved with some of them, how can someone outside
the relationship tell whether it is about sex or about love (or both)? Is the sex casual? Is the sex shallow? Is the “relationship” just a one-night stand?
Well, someone might be able to tell that!
The thing is, polyamory supposes that we have the freedom
to become involved with more than one person.
In that sense our love is free!
But it isn’t shallow; it isn’t a one-night stand.
Some would disagree. Some would say that polyamory can include
casual encounters. Well—a polyamorous
person can have shallow encounters, in addition to more meaningful, long-term
ones. Just like a person who believes in
monogamy can have lots of wild, brief flings before, after, or in between their
marriages.
My polyamory quest, however, is for love—though
sex can be a part of it.
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