The Opening

I realize suddenly, eerily, that I’m at peace—tranquil.

It surprises me because I’ve spent weeks or months uneasy.  But now, unexpected tranquility.

It has something to do with the time I spent with my girlfriend last night.  Peaceful.  We lay together, sleepy, watching TV.

And it has to do with the conversations I’ve been having with dear friends online.  We talk about relationships, and literature, and love.

And the conversation I had with my other girlfriend over the weekend—a long deep discussion about sexuality and relationships.  How do people open up to their own inner depths?  How do they open up to each other?  What makes this fulfilling, or not?

Or another quiet meeting I had with a newer friend?

Lately, I’ve been exploring my own feelings about sexuality, deepening my understanding of myself.  I have friends who are very comfortable with bodies and sex; and very sociable and talkative; sometimes loud, sometimes blunt.

Me, I’m an introvert and Former Shy Person—maybe still a bit shy; and maybe not so comfortable with my body and sexuality.

So—to let my loud friends have their fun and not feel intimidated or left out myself—and not to sneer just slightly…is a challenge.

But apparently possible—trusting my own feelings and allowing myself to relax.

And…realizing also that I know other people, who are shy and have never become as sociable as I have.  How do I assure them about their own self-image and feelings?

I walk between.  Perhaps it is possible to remain true to your own feelings while opening yourself up to everybody else’s!