After dinner and an open mic not connected with
Pantheacon, I headed back to the convention hotel to attend a discussion of
polyamory, built around some useful poly attitudes.
Polyamory, if you are not familiar with the term,
refers to love—usually romantic, sexual love—for multiple people at once; the dating-,
falling-in-love-and-staying-there kind of love.
The presenter was a woman from south Florida—a
rather different environment that California!
About sixty people attended the workshop—a good showing, I thought. Several of our own South Bay Poly members
were there, as well as people from other parts of the country, including the
Midwest; and people who had lived or grown up in Europe.
The presenter suggested five skills or attitudes
that are useful for polyamory. Of course,
she was speaking from a modern Pagan perspective; however her suggestions would
be useful for anyone.
First, she spoke of being sex-positive—thinking of
sex as a good thing. Pagans are
generally sex-positive, but they are not the only “spiritual” tradition that
embraces sex-positivity. Unitarian-Universalism
(my other tradition) does; and whether or not it is a majority position in
their own tradition, individuals from many traditions view sex in a positive
way.
Second, she spoke about good communication skills. The cliché about poly is “Communicate,
communicate, communicate!” But communication
is a must in any relationship! She
asserted that the Pagan path teaches us to be good communicators. Upon reflection…I’m not sure that’s literally
true. Not that Pagans aren’t good
communicators; I’m just not sure if it’s emphasized as much as this suggests.
Third, she discussed self-awareness—understanding
your own needs and those of your partners.
And isn’t that what relationships are about? (I suspect somehow that someone, somewhere,
will argue this point). She asserted that
as Pagans we are taught to be honest with ourselves and honest about our
needs. We tend to be more
self-reflective.
Fourth, she discussed the advantages of mastering
small-group dynamics—these really come in handy within a poly family. Of course, many Pagans work together in
small, family-like groups (covens, etc).
This teaches us to get along in family-like environments.
Fifth and last, she mentioned
tolerance—understanding that people don’t all see things the same way; so it is
best to learn to accept our differences—something Pagans are generally
extremely aware of.
I liked the tee-shirt she wore at the presentation, a shirt
with a very “poly” slogan: “Yes, my
husband knows.”
This seemed an appropriate discussion to lead up to the
final event of the evening: A ritual
dance for Pomba Gira.
