“The Mystery of Our Attractions” (South Bay Poly News #248)

Keeping it simple this month.  I’ll just say, the more I think about how I am attracted to people, and the more I think about my past relationships, both successful and not successful, the more I am puzzled and intrigued by just what is going on in these matters—my inner feelings on the one hand, and then my interactions with other people.  How do successful relationship come about?  Why are other relationships painful and even disastrous?  Now wouldn’t that make a nice theme for a novel (hm…..)?

And of course, the more relationships you have at any given time, the more challenging life is; but also that much more rewarding!

The monogamous might say that’s precisely the point; Multiple relationships are too fragile—or too explosive.

But I’m drawn to many people; what can I say?  I care about many people.  And having multiple relationships works for me and is rewarding for me.  Maybe it is not for everyone, but it seems to be for me.

Now, about that novel…

The Challenge of Polyrelating

(From the October South Bay Polys newsletter).

I hadn’t begun a new relationship in eight years, and last month I plunged into not one but two – what on earth was I thinking?  On the other hand, why not begin two relationships at the same time?

But all the old issues come up immediately!  Beginning any relationship can be difficult; that’s one of the things that intrigues me so much.  What does it mean to be in a relationship with someone – a “relationship”—what does that even mean?!  Someone to go to social events with?  Someone to share meals with?  Someone to have sex with?  Someone to spend lazy afternoons or evenings with?  What do they want, what do you want?  Are you comfortable together, at ease with the same things—not at ease?  Are you open to love, to falling in love?

And then the whole polyamory “business.”  Are they comfortable with polyamory, comfortable with being “someone significant” but maybe not “The Only One?”  Do they even know what polyamory is, what it entails?

And if they don’t know, but are open to learning—what do you tell them; how do you explain polyamory to them?  Even if you come to care very much for one another, there’s all that background and upbringing—all the past experiences that make each of you what you are, that have burrowed deep into your personalities and become maybe almost instinctive—how do you account for that and commit to growth together in spite of possible fears and perceived difficulties?  Or do you choose another path—platonic, or parting altogether, or perpetual sadness, or monogamy?

Ah well—but new relationships do seem worth it after all!  Love and Caring seem worth it!  At least I think it does!