(From the October South Bay Polys newsletter).
I hadn’t begun a new relationship in eight years,
and last month I plunged into not one but two – what on earth was
I thinking? On the other hand, why not
begin two relationships at the same time?
But all the old issues come up immediately! Beginning any relationship can be
difficult; that’s one of the things that intrigues me so much. What does it mean to be in a
relationship with someone – a “relationship”—what does that even mean?! Someone to go to social events with? Someone to share meals with? Someone to have sex with? Someone to spend lazy afternoons or evenings
with? What do they want, what do you
want? Are you comfortable together, at
ease with the same things—not at ease?
Are you open to love, to falling in love?
And then the whole polyamory “business.” Are they comfortable with polyamory,
comfortable with being “someone significant” but maybe not “The Only One?” Do they even know what polyamory is,
what it entails?
And if they don’t know, but are open to
learning—what do you tell them; how do you explain polyamory to
them? Even if you come to care very much
for one another, there’s all that background and upbringing—all
the past experiences that make each of you what you are, that have burrowed
deep into your personalities and become maybe almost instinctive—how do
you account for that and commit to growth together in spite of possible fears
and perceived difficulties? Or do you
choose another path—platonic, or parting altogether, or perpetual sadness, or
monogamy?
Ah well—but new relationships do seem worth it
after all! Love and Caring seem worth
it! At least I think it does!
