Many ("Poly!") Ways To Be Poly

(From the South Bay Poly August newsletter).
 
Some polys approach their polyness as a choice, others as an orientation.

Those who approach it as a choice may emphasize a larger interest in intentional communities, tantra, sacred sexuality, non-violent communication, sex-positivity, etc.

I feel my polyamory more as an orientation—it’s the “way I am,” and I’m more interested in understanding myself than trying to change society—although I think that people coming to terms with their polyness would change society!

So I examine myself, how I feel, how I react to others.  I ask myself questions:  What attracts me to other people?  What makes me feel comfortable or uncomfortable around others?  What limits my involvement with others?

I’ve suggested to friends that polys can be grouped by several tendencies:  “Active” polys have multiple love-interests; “Passive” polys don’t, but can accept their partner having them.  “Expansive” polys reach outwards to many people.  They can form many attachments, often of a light sort; while “consolidating” polys pull inwards with a small group of people.  Maybe it’s a matter of extroversion and introversion.

Many (“poly!”) ways to be poly!