“Arrrrrrgh!!” (or: "Pirates and Polys?")

(This is from the September South Bay Poly Newsletter -- written about 2 weeks ago):

So our September meeting falls on “Talk Like a Pirate Day!”  This has never happened before.  All I can think to say is “Arrrrgh” (or is that “Rrrrr?”).

So it’s a funny day, but illustrates how the way we talk influences the way we think and the way other people think of us.  I’ve been skirmishing a bit on Facebook with people who object to “Political Correctness;” also with people who use the word “privilege” differently than I grew up using it.  Anyway, maybe we can chat a little about how we talk to others about our polyness.

I’ve just started seeing some new people, which has led to discussions of my approach to polyamory, and theirs.  We’ve shared stories of our past and current relationships.

How to communicate?  Honestly--and as opening as possible!

Kidding aside, it’s important that you come to terms with your own personality and understand your own needs.  Then it’s important to be able to explain them to others.  And then it’s important to be able to listen to those people you are interested in becoming involved with, to understand their personalities and their needs.

Otherwise, one of you may feel like you are talking to a pirate--perhaps one with a difficult-to-decipher (Scottish?  Australian?  Jamaican?) accent.  And you want to be talking and understanding one another on a fairly deep level, before you go getting involved!

“Sail on and prosper!”

Polyamory: Entering the Public Discussion

This is from the latest South Bay Poly Newsletter (#236).

Context:  I co-founded the South Bay Poly discussion group around 1993.  It meets monthly in the San Jose, CA area.  For the last year, I have also been serving on the board of the Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness (UUPA).  UUPA had a booth at the June national meeting ("General Assembly") of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA)

...

Still not much news to report from the Unitarian polys….though I can say that there appears to be deepening discussions on common ground between the Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness (UUPA) and the Unitarian Universalists for BDSM ("Leather & Grace").

In any case, the U.S. Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage has somewhat opened up public discussion on multi-partner marriage.  Usually (of course?) this is presented as a cautionary tale of the “slippery slope” we are now on, supposedly because of that Supreme Court decision.  Most people, though, I think still regard these as unrelated issues.  I tend to agree with that.  But if we’re going to discuss multi-partner marriage…

I’ve seen at least one commentary that suggested multi-partner marriage should not be dismissed out of hand.  The details of a multi-partner marriage contract could be complicated to be sure.  But then the same commentary raised the question -- perhaps more to the point for most poly families -- of whether government should be involved in sanctioning relationships at all.  Can marriage be replaced by a complex of legal agreements, specified by the people involved?

Raising these issues certainly moves the discussion of multi-partner relationships forward -- which is a good thing.

And if more people become aware of committed consensual nurturing polyrelationships, if these become more accepted as possible options…that is some sort of progress.

I’m cautiously optimistic.

The Last Half-Year

Returning again to this blog.  I left it on the Winter Solstice, I’m returning now that we have passed the Summer Solstice.

I left because -- so many things went wrong between those two soltstices!

In early December, my car was stolen.  Long story--maybe I’ll tell it later.

In late January, just as we were about to buy a new car, my dental crown fell out.  By the time that was fixed, in late February, another tooth or two had gone with it, and I had my first dental bridge.  “Oh Joy!”  The temporary had threatened to come loose just as I was settling in for coffee and a sandwich at Pantheacon.

End of February, congratulating myself on surviving the car and tooth “incidents” -- both our computer and our printer stop working; so we were off to research replacements.  If I tell you we ended up moving from Windows 7 to Windows 8.2…some of you will appreciate that we had a bit of a “learning curve.”

Middle-to-end of March:  The house plumbing starts to back up again.  We get it unclogged; within ten days it’s a mess again.  Unclogged finally--but the toilet seemed defective.  Off we go to research toilets.  And so it went through April and May.  And finally we had a sleek (?!) new toilet!

I’m sure other matters came up--or maybe it just felt that way as we recovered from these disasters.

You get the picture.

And now--June--the Supreme Court decision on gay marriage.  And, unfortunately, the killings in Charleston.  I’ve been online all week discussing the propriety or impropriety of the Confederate flag.

And figured: Solstice-to-Solstice was enough of a gap here on Grail and Wand.

So I’m back.

"Wrong Move" (film)

I discovered this film ("Falsche Bewegung") by Wim Wenders somehow or other because it was described as being a “loose” adaptation of a Goethe novel (Wilhelm Meister’s Apprenticeship).  As far as I can tell, the adaptation is quite “loose.”  I’ve watched it twice now and just realized that I could watch it again, with Wender’s commentary turned on.  But I don’t think I could bear to do that, at least for another month or two.  I did listen to the first few minutes of the commentary.  Wenders apparently titled the film “Wrong Move” because he decided that the idea of going on a journey to find yourself (the novel was one of the first Bildungsroman) was basically misguided.

The first time through the film, I had to stop after thirty minutes.  This looked like one of those European art films where people spend long stretches staring into space and not talking to one another; and in fact it is.  This film would never work as a commercially released American film.  It might not even work as an American art film.  But I watched the last hour and a quarter in one sitting and enjoyed it; and watched the entire film again the following evening.

I haven’t read Goethe’s novel; the online synopsis looks pretty intimidating; but I can see some similarities between it and the film.  You have two men who want to become writers.  You have two women.  

Now I’m curious what Goethe would make of the film.  Might have a few too many silent stretches for him (he was, among things, a dramatist).  But it’s interesting, and I recommend it.  Just be prepared for those long silent stretches—and little background music.  And it’s in German…with subtitles.