Nature and/or Nurture?

(The October South Bay Poly Commentary)

Last month at our discussion I suggested reservations about the debate over whether orientation (whether sexual or relational) comes from “nature” or “nurture.”  Are we perhaps being too restrictive in our thinking?  Could we be a combination of both?

I do think some people are naturally poly or naturally monogamous.  But some people aren’t, and feel comfortable choosing, at times, to behave in a monogamous or a polyamorous way.  Even people who are naturally one or the other may still choose to behave differently from time to time.

And is that really so surprising?  I can be generally gay (or generally straight) and in a certain situation choose to behave differently.  And if I’m bisexual or pansexual or omnisexual….I can choose with every love-interest what I will do.

And perhaps people evolve—not be forcibly changed, as the “gay therapy” people claim; but may we not prefer men at one point, and women at another; or both equally sometimes?  Then why shouldn’t we incline sometimes towards monogamy but other times to polyamory?  We may indeed possess an orientation; but we may feel perfectly fine discovering that it’s broader than we’ve believed.  At least, some of us may.

So why should society be restrictive?