Pantheacon (5) - Polyamory

After dinner and an open mic not connected with Pantheacon, I headed back to the convention hotel to attend a discussion of polyamory, built around some useful poly attitudes.

Polyamory, if you are not familiar with the term, refers to love—usually romantic, sexual love—for  multiple people at once; the dating-, falling-in-love-and-staying-there kind of love.

The presenter was a woman from south Florida—a rather different environment that California!  About sixty people attended the workshop—a good showing, I thought.  Several of our own South Bay Poly members were there, as well as people from other parts of the country, including the Midwest; and people who had lived or grown up in Europe.

The presenter suggested five skills or attitudes that are useful for polyamory.  Of course, she was speaking from a modern Pagan perspective; however her suggestions would be useful for anyone.

First, she spoke of being sex-positive—thinking of sex as a good thing.  Pagans are generally sex-positive, but they are not the only “spiritual” tradition that embraces sex-positivity.  Unitarian-Universalism (my other tradition) does; and whether or not it is a majority position in their own tradition, individuals from many traditions view sex in a positive way.

Second, she spoke about good communication skills.  The cliché about poly is “Communicate, communicate, communicate!”  But communication is a must in any relationship!  She asserted that the Pagan path teaches us to be good communicators.  Upon reflection…I’m not sure that’s literally true.  Not that Pagans aren’t good communicators; I’m just not sure if it’s emphasized as much as this suggests.

Third, she discussed self-awareness—understanding your own needs and those of your partners.  And isn’t that what relationships are about?  (I suspect somehow that someone, somewhere, will argue this point).  She asserted that as Pagans we are taught to be honest with ourselves and honest about our needs.  We tend to be more self-reflective.

Fourth, she discussed the advantages of mastering small-group dynamics—these really come in handy within a poly family.  Of course, many Pagans work together in small, family-like groups (covens, etc).  This teaches us to get along in family-like environments.

Fifth and last, she mentioned tolerance—understanding that people don’t all see things the same way; so it is best to learn to accept our differences—something Pagans are generally extremely aware of.

I liked the tee-shirt she wore at the presentation, a shirt with a very “poly” slogan:  “Yes, my husband knows.”

This seemed an appropriate discussion to lead up to the final event of the evening:  A ritual dance for Pomba Gira.