Sunday, September 11, 2011

Caring and Love

For many people, polyamory is strongly connected to opening up their sexuality.  Somehow monogamy, for them, is about inhibiting, limiting their sexuality.  For me, there is an element of this.  I spent many years being uneasy with sexuality, feeling threatened by it.  I wasn’t comfortable with it.  I was afraid.
But sexuality isn’t the point, for me.  Even if I were totally comfortable with sexuality, I would still be left with the questions “why?” and “what for?”  Some people supposedly get past that; they simply say “why not?” and “just for the joy and pleasure and sharing.”

For me, to do something “just for the joy and pleasure and sharing”…well, I could do that.  And say “why not?”  But, to truly enjoy sex, I need certain things.

With myself, I need comfort and safety.  I need to feel relaxed.  With someone else, I need that too.  And I’m only comfortable and relaxed, and feeling safe, with particular people—not just “anyone.”  So—not strangers.  Probably not large groups of people at one time.  And not flippant folks.  Not that I’m a terribly serious person.  But sex is something special for me.  I can only take it so lightly……

Caring and love definitely help.