Making Friends Online -- My Own Rationale.

(This is the story of how I ended up with over 1,000 "friends" on Facebook.  I realize this approach is "not for everyone"--it's just a description of my own rationale).

fyi...

I've friended people on Facebook for a variety of reasons --

Various common interests (languages, history, religion, literature, human rights)

or because we're both writers, or pagans, or witches, or Unitarians (or poly or bi or "open")

Or because we've both lived in Virginia, or Germany, or Japan.

or because we both speak any number of the same languages.

Or because we like the same writers, or composers, or films.

Or because they live somewhere I'm interested in.

Yes -- I admit -- There were times when I noticed someone was irresistibly gorgeous....

...but I don't know that I ever friended someone just for that.

Sometimes they posted an interesting remark or something funny or poetic.

At this point...well...after I arrived at 1,000 friends, I put a moratorium on myself.  I thought, "Who are all these people?????"  And I decided to try to get to know them better, rather than just accumulating even more "friends."

At  this point....I can't remember how often I included a note to say why I was interested in being their friend.  I'm sure I didn't do it for all 1,000+ people I've friended.

Then again, some of those 1,000 have friended me for any number of reasons.  I generally accept.  I only hesitate if.....I have idea who these people are.  By which I mean....nothing much on their profile, no photo -- and if I send them a message to say "hi, how did you find out about me?" they ignore it.

Conflicted?

(From this month's South Bay Poly newsletter).

I recently spent a week or two distraught, feeling like a child.  I suppose some guy had to grow up conflicted about sex; it might as well have been me.

   

Sex is complicated.  A lot of us have conflicts about it on some level or another.  Who should we have sex with?  Should we have sex at all?  We bluff our way through life.

But heck, I’m a grownup; I feel like I’m supposed to know what I’m doing...

It isn’t so much the sex; it's the people that cause pain.  Sex with yourself is relatively simple.

Call it “conflict,” call it “hang-ups.”  One way or another, a lot of us have problems with those three little letters s-e-x.

Some people will tell you that if you’re ever uncomfortable about something sexual, you're "hung up," you’re not “sex-positive.”  I disagree.

Sometimes I feel so isolated!  Everyone else seems so comfortable with sex, so relaxed.  They just enjoy it!  They even seem glib or flippant!  But some of us think and fret; we can’t be glib and flippant.  Maybe we should be.

 In my case, sexuality is tied to the person—I want to know them better as people.  That's what attracts me....

Sex for me isn't just fun; it’s a deep pleasure I share with another person.  At its best it’s transcendent (some would say “holy.”)  If it's simply mundane...it's lost something.  If it's only mundane…I miss the transcendence.

For me, becoming someone's lover isn't just a matter of titillating each other's bodies—though I'm coming to appreciate my need for touch more and more!   For me, becoming someone’s lover means opening my whole self to them (as much as I can open!) and inviting them to open themselves to me.  It's not just physical; it’s mental, emotional, psychic…spiritual…divine.

But why not have sex on a whim, for kicks, with a stranger?  A hot dog on the Boardwalk—with onions…and relish—can be fun, now and then.  But I'm used to Chinese banquets.

Self-reflection can lead to insight.  I realize that I’m open to people but also afraid of them. I don’t feel comfortable making love with a stranger.  I’m not at ease with people I've just met.  It’s true I can start to feel close to someone quickly; but the whole process takes time.  It takes time for me to become comfortable with a new acquaintance.  It takes time for me to trust them to the point that I can open up to them emotionally or physically.

For me, sex takes time.

"Dr. William's Guide to Using Viagra"

People laughed and gave me weird looks when I told them I was writing this, but…

Some of us guys need a little “assistance” with our sex lives.  But who wants to dwell on that?  Sounds too much like “work!”  It’s embarrassing!  Viagra is the butt(?!) of so many jokes…..

Still, there are some things that older men (and their lovers) ought to know.  Dr. William (not a real doctor!) can help!  Here’s Doctor William’s Guide to Using Viagra.

In Brief:

Without Viagra, “nothing may happen.”

Well, maybe not nothing.  But maybe not much of an erection—but still possibly an orgasm anyway (men can have orgasms without erections).

With Viagra—an erection, possibly quite * * * HARD* * * (lol)

And a much more enjoyable orgasm.

--> Therefore—“Viagra Good!” (grin!)

  

But…

1.   After you take it, nothing much will happen for 15-20 minutes…at least…

2.    Then, when something does happen, if you don’t do anything about it, it can get quite frustrating.

3.    The effects can last several hours.

4.    These critters cost over $10 per ____ (you know “per what!”…)

Therefore…

“If you’re gonna take it, you wanna use it.”

“If you ain’t gonna use it, you don’t wanna take it.”

It’s great to take—!

—but you have to give it some time.  Be patient…

—and if there’s a change of plans and you ain’t gonna use what Viagra has given you…

    …it’s nice to have a cozy place handy for a date “with yourself”…<grinning>

The Opening

I realize suddenly, eerily, that I’m at peace—tranquil.

It surprises me because I’ve spent weeks or months uneasy.  But now, unexpected tranquility.

It has something to do with the time I spent with my girlfriend last night.  Peaceful.  We lay together, sleepy, watching TV.

And it has to do with the conversations I’ve been having with dear friends online.  We talk about relationships, and literature, and love.

And the conversation I had with my other girlfriend over the weekend—a long deep discussion about sexuality and relationships.  How do people open up to their own inner depths?  How do they open up to each other?  What makes this fulfilling, or not?

Or another quiet meeting I had with a newer friend?

Lately, I’ve been exploring my own feelings about sexuality, deepening my understanding of myself.  I have friends who are very comfortable with bodies and sex; and very sociable and talkative; sometimes loud, sometimes blunt.

Me, I’m an introvert and Former Shy Person—maybe still a bit shy; and maybe not so comfortable with my body and sexuality.

So—to let my loud friends have their fun and not feel intimidated or left out myself—and not to sneer just slightly…is a challenge.

But apparently possible—trusting my own feelings and allowing myself to relax.

And…realizing also that I know other people, who are shy and have never become as sociable as I have.  How do I assure them about their own self-image and feelings?

I walk between.  Perhaps it is possible to remain true to your own feelings while opening yourself up to everybody else’s!